Will the grass be greener?

I need to make a decision for my life. I miss home but I'm scared that it's my dissatisfaction here making me crave something more.
I keep hoping someone else will make the decision for me. Someone being Butthole, as usual. The thing is: he chooses his life over me. That's fine. It hurts but I understand. Frankly, I wouldn't choose me either. I can't even figure out what to do with my life, who would want to take that on? What does that mean for me? Or for us?
Am I not ready to make a commitment? I love Butthole so much. So much. But I can't do that to him. I can't ask him to make the sacrifice to direct the course of MY life. I can't ask him to take a risk for me. I am the one who needs to man up and take charge. I am the one who controls my destiny. I need to go home. I need to live my life. Maybe in 10 years... Maybe he'll miss me. Maybe he'll want me... Maybe I'll be worth being wanted. Right now... I gotta do something, don't I?