The Butthole Blog.

Let's give it up, already. Truth is, Butthole is mostly my life. At least the part of my life worth talking about. I hardly talk about him to anyone but him so I need to let it out. I've been driving him crazy lately telling him just how amazing he is.
"You're starting to act like my mother" he said. A-hole.
Point is, he IS awesome. Really, not just as my boyfriend. He's a great boyfriend but really, he's just great. I seriously feel more fulfilled in my life just by knowing him. He's a good person. His good qualities are so overabundant it's almost sickening.
I still remember the time I asked him why he donated blood. He didn't actually have an answer. It was a matter of "Why not?" He did it because he's a kind, generous person who doesn't need to gain in order to give.
He's incredibly patient. Every time I complain about pretty much anyone (usually Boss Lady) he doesn't know what to say. You know why? Because things just don't get to him. He tells me "Just be amused by it. Why are you getting mad?" I have no idea how he does it.
He's the only kid I've ever me who actually feels guilty if he doesn't do what his parents ask of him. He is so grateful for what they've done for him that he doesn't hesitate to repay them for their hard work.
We're talking about a guy who manages to balance a full time school work load (while remaining in the honors program), working at a lab, a steady friendship with guys he's known since the 7Th grade, a good relationship with his family, all while keeping his psychotic girlfriend happy. He's like a super hero without the tights. He's seriously giving Chuck Norris a run for his money.
I highly recommend, if you haven't met him yet, that you seek him out. He will enrich your life in ways you never knew possible.

Here I am, minus a pint of blood!

I did it! I donated blood for the first time! I did it and I didn't pass out or puke or die or anything!
I went in on Friday, signed the check-in sheet and got taken behind of the little private booths to answer all the questions about my health. The guy who did it was very nice and very patient with me in spite of my many chants of "I'm soooo nervous" and excessive giggling. He promised he knew how to make sure the finger prick to check iron levels didn't hurt and I was unbelieving. By golly, he wasn't lying, though! "Ring finger to the side: The least amount of nerve endings." Once I made it through the screening they set me up the chair and I had to wait for all the equipment to get set up which took forever.
The guy who actually drew my blood was cool. He kept cracking jokes which I found both oddly comforting and mortifying. "I'm just a guy with a needle," he said. He prepped my arm with rubbing alcohol and put a band around the top of my arm and tightened it. He made me squeeze a ball several times, apparently, to find a vein. Then came the prick. It was definitely uncomfortable but not excruciating. I was instructed to squeeze the ball every 3-4 seconds. It was pretty uncomfortable as my arm felt all tingly but it wasn't awful. He said I had a good flow due to good hydration (I better had! I drank like a gallon of water that day!). It was over pretty quickly. Then he removed the needle and told me to go have a snack and hang around for about 15 minutes.
All in all I was fine. I needed a lot of water for the remainder of the day (sooo thirsty!) but I felt fine, though a little tired.
I'll be doing it again, though I won't promise I won't break out into a cold sweat from nerves again next time.

"At least now you'll have a story to tell"

A story to tell I have, indeed. It's April... Flowers are a-bloomin'... Sun's a-shinin'... and that means... PICNICS!! Yesterday, for Easter Sunday, Butthole decided (I KNOW!!) we were going to have a picnic. Surprisingly, his parents were on board with the idea, and in fact, they wanted to come along. He picked me up and we stopped by the grocery store to get some food.
We arrived at his house and layed everything out on the kitchen table in order to prepare said food. In my expert picnicker opinion it's best to take all sandwich building material with one to the picnic destination and prepare said sandwiches on sight. Unfortunately it's was a 4 to 1 on the amateurs' side who wanted to assemble the sandwiches prior to departure. I can give you plenty of reasons why sandwiches should be prepared AT the picnic sight:

1. Picnics are ALL about making the sandwiches while sitting on a blanket and fighting the bugs off your mayo.

2. A perfect excuse to buy the mayo in the squeeze bottle

3. No chance for the tomato to soak through the bread as ingestion is immediate following assembly.

4. How do you know how hungry you'll be when you get there? What if you don't make enough? What if you make too much? Then you're stuck with a pile of soggy sandwiches no one wants to eat.

5. Balancing a paper plate on your lap while you try not to drop the bread mayo-side-down as you reach for the turkey is FUN *Bonus points if it's slightly breezy and the plate keeps trying to fly away with your piece of bread while you put mayo on the other piece.

But what do I know? It's not like I've been picnicking (YES I am making that into a verb) my whole life. *Back to the tangent-free time line* At first there was a debate on whether the bread should be toasted. Cue Butthole for a pronounced *SCOFF* "But of course it should be toasted!" As his mother rummaged in the cupboards for the toaster and argued with Butthole as to it's place of residence (they have like 3 toasters apparently... WTF?) I commenced slicing tomatoes while Peace Chick brought forth the necessary items out of the fridge. His mother (after finally finding the toaster)declared the necessity for an assembly line. She toasted the bread, Peace Chick spread the mayonnaise, I added tomato and lettuce, Butthole took care of the meat and cheese and his dad took care of the wrapping. As you know we aren't poor 3rd world 6 year olds assembling shoes for Nike in order to support our families of 6 so we weren't exactly efficient and there were plenty of traffic jams and duty-crossing. At any rate... We made an inordinate amount of sandwiches, gathered all of our snacks, and headed out. We got to the park, picked a shady spot, and set up. So far, so good.
After eating (not nearly half the sandwiches me made) and relaxing for a while Peace Chick and I decided I was going to learn how to long board. It's surprisingly easy. See?



Let it be noted that I was NOT wearing the appropriate attire for anything other than sitting still and looking pretty. Those aren't even my shoes, they're Peace Chick's (matching was unintentional) as I was wearing sandals and we figured it wouldn't be safe for me to try to skate in my sandals, adorable as they may be. Then Peace Chick encouraged me to go up the street and coast down the hill. Easy enough, right? WRONG. I should have seen that one coming.
The thing about Peace Chick is that she was a zen-like aura about her that makes you forget about the possibility of consequences. In all honesty, she should be selling used cars because anything she suggests automatically sounds like a good idea. She manages to make the words "You should go down the hill" make sense. Never mind that you're wearing an adorable new dress and sandals. When she suggests something there's a little voice inside your head that suddenly perks up and whispers: "Nothing could possibly go wrong, after all, this is the first time you've ever tried this."
As I stood there preparing for take off a bunch of kids zoomed by as if to say "Come on, Julia, look how easy we make it look, this is a totally good idea, you should totally try to do it!" Well the subliminal messaging sunk in and I took off. As Peace Chick narrated "And this is the part where she starts screaming" I felt myself gaining speed. I, did, indeed start screaming, much to Peace Chick's amusement. The world was becoming a blur as I panicked on wheels. Peace Chick was screaming "Don't jump! Don't jump off!!" And then... I was flying! No, really, I flew all across the pavement. I still can't say with certainty whether I panicked and jumped off or if I just lost my balance. Either way I did considerable damage to my body, my clothing, and my ego. I landed right on my hip (which is now twice as big, thank you very much), scraped my left elbow, my knee, my right forearm (WTF?), my boob (WTF? X 2- those were covered!), my hand, and even chipped my toe-nail polish. I laid on the ground trying to make sense of it all and then the board rolled at me. People were running. Peace Chick was yelling/laughing/saying "OH DUDE!" Butthole was angrily screaming at me "What were you thinking!?!?" It was a blur. A painful, humiliating, bloody blur. Adrenaline was pumping through me. As every one's screams of "Is she ok?" reached my ears I became so high on the adrenaline that I could do nothing but laugh. Now I was the manic psycho bleeding everywhere and laughing about it.
His mom (OH GOSH! HIS MOM!!!) came running both with maternal AND doctor instinct. We drove back to Butthole's so that I could get cleaned up and bandaged up. His mom came along to clean me up. Now, I've gotta say, for a doctor, she was not well equipped for injuries of the magnitude I had induced upon myself. I guess that makes sense, though, considering in an ideal reality she no longer has small children who have no concept of cause and effect regarding the risky shenanigans they deem "fun." All she had was hydrogen peroxide (OUCH!!!) and band-aids. She patched me up and I apologized over and over for ruining the afternoon. Peace Chick laughed and apologized both for laughing and for encouraging me to pull such a thoughtless stunt. Butthole stood by holding my hand and shaking his head in disbelief at my stupidity. I noticed I ripped my (NEW) dress and had to safety-pin it to keep the strap in place. Good times... NOT.



So yes... Peace Chick apologized as she tried to contain her laughter, Butthole kissed the owie once he got over the a. shock and b. anger at my stupidity, and I sat pretty for the rest of the afternoon. Like Peace Chick said, at least now I have a story to tell, though I learned no matter how good her ideas seem, I should never, ever listen to her.

Charitable Julia.

It is done. I have signed up to run The Race for the Cure. I will be running the 5K on May 1st. I will also be donating blood on April 9th.

That is all.

Purpose in life.

I don't go to school. I basically have no life. I work, walk Spazpup, work out, and sleep. That's it. My life is redundant and meaningless. Not that I complain about redundancy. I actually like it. It'd still be nice to have something to do that actually mattered. To have a purpose for the things I do. What do I do, though? I work to pay my bills. I walk my dog so she doesn't destroy my house. I work out so that there's room for others to join me on my couch. I sleep so I don't set this crap hole on fire. It's all so... meaningless. How can I turn any one of those activities into something useful?
Last week I saw a flier at my gym for a 5K race at the end of the month. One of the guys asked me if I was going to sign up. I said "No way! I can't run 5K! That's insane!" As it turns out... I can run 5K. In fact, I did it that very day. 5K is only 3 miles. I thought about it but, really, running isn't a passion of mine or anything. It's just something I do to stay healthy. After thinking about it I went on the website if only to find out the requirements. I would need to pay $40 and get up at 7 Am on a Saturday. Ya...umm..nothanks. It seems kind of pointless since I really don't care for competition, and I already know I can do it. Why pay to run a few miles when I can do it for free on my own?
Then I found out about the Race for the Cure. I really want to do it. I figure if I'm going to get up early and pay a fee to run early on a Saturday morning I rather my money be used for a good cause.
My only problem is that the closest event is in College City and I don't think I have a ride. It's the week right before Butthole's finals so I can't ask him to take me. He would have offered if only it was one week later but it's not the case. I'm also sad because if I can manage to get up there he won't be able to be up there with me since he needs to study. :(
Ideally I need to stay the night over there or else I'm going to need to find a ride at 5:30 AM in order to make it on time. The recent banning is going to make it much harder for me to find a place to stay. Phatty would want to take me and even participate but it's not all too easy for her to request days off from work.
I'll make it happen, though. Somehow I'm going to get my butt up there and run to support Breast Cancer Research.

The banning.

I suppose I ought to elaborate on how I got myself kicked out of Butthole's College City's apartment. I didn't do anything, before you get any ideas.
As I mentioned in previous posts; I went to College City a few weekends ago. I went with T-Bitch and Spaztastic. In all truth, if I may, I went up on that Friday with Adopted Little Brother and his friend. It's all a big secret because we wanted to be able to hang out freely without his parents finding out. Much as I love his sister, she's not one to cover for him. "Sibling code" is non-existent in her book.
That Friday night we went out with Weirdo and Gothic Girlfriend to a party. It was all fun and games until we were on our way home and Butthole got sick. Poor baby couldn't hold it in and we had to pull over. I really need to monitor his intake more closely. At any rate... that night we stayed at Weirdo's place. I ended up sleeping on the couch with Butthole passed out in that other guy's room.
The next day was when I spent my time with him at the community service events.
That evening T-Bitch and Spaztastic arrived. We hung out at Weirdo's and had a good time kicking back and watching "The Life and Times of Tim". That night we went back to Butthole's. I slept in his sister's room, him in his, and Spaztastic and T-Bitch probably nuzzled each other on the couch while no one was looking (haha, gay joke).
The next morning I arose bright and early around 9 (10?) per the usual. Everyone else somehow managed to get up early too, which was actually UNusual. We were all sitting around the living room planning out the day when Hippie comes out of her room and says, with a devilish grin "Uhh... Mom and dad are here. This should be fun." WTF? Ok, Ok, I get it. I can totally see how it'd be fun FOR HER but goodness, woman! Have some compassion. Anyway... His parents are basically around the corner and here I am laying on the couch with him in my darn pajamas. Awk-ward! There went any plans of me showering there. Oh yes, much to Butthole's shock and amazement I wasn't comfortable showering with his parents in the next room. I swear sometimes, for such a smart guy, he can sure think with his butt.
Now I'm rushing to get dressed before they walk in which of course doesn't happen. T-Bitch and Spaztastic bailed before they arrived (of course) and now we're going to church. *Sigh* People asked why didn't I just leave with my friends but let's face it: A. I wasn't dressed and wasn't about to go get dressed in a public bathroom and B. his parents already knew I was there and darn it I had done nothing wrong. Besides being deceitful isn't a way to any one's heart.
That was the most ultimately awkward morning. We went to church and then back to his apartment. We left again and went to the mall. Butthole went back home to study and I spent the rest of the day shopping (woo!).
At some point (I don't remember when) Butthole informed me that neither T-Bitch nor I were allowed at his place from now on. If we ask he has to say "I'm sorry, it's my parent's apartment and they don't wish you to visit." Sigh...
Why T-Bitch, too? On the one hand they've actually never liked him anyway. On the other hand I think it's because they know T-Bitch is usually my ride up to College City and if they ban him then it makes things harder for me to visit. Butthole doesn't agree and thinks I'm getting a bit too self-centered but oh well... You're not really paranoid if they really are out to get you.
So that's that. I can of course still go up to College City; they can't stop me. I can't set foot in his home, though. They are really getting serious.
Oh joy oh joy oh joy. He better do well on the MCAT.

Vuelve el perro arrepentido....

Alright, alright, I'll write. I don't know why I haven't. I guess unless I have something to bitch about I have nothing to say. I say: that's a damn shame. I should have lots of good things to say. Frankly I blame sheer filthy laziness. Anyway... after my last hormonal rampage I've been feeling a lot better. Things are looking decently up even if they aren't up.
My mom and I are still not speaking but so be it. Last week she tried to talk to me as if nothing had ever happened and managed to anger me more than hurt me. I spoke to Nalga and told him we weren't speaking and he asked why. I told him I have no need for a parent who sees me as a burden on her life. There it is. That's how it is. I can't change that. I'm not going to continue to try to force a relationship. Some people want to be miserable. My mom is one of those people. It still sucks, but what am I to do? I watched the movie "Every body's Fine" and it made me cry. It sucks not having a family. It sucks that I don't have a great dad and a great mom. But such is life and I'll move forward. I can only do better.
Phatty and BIL keep fighting and it makes me sad. I hate it and I hate that they aren't happy. I don't care what she says: they aren't happy. I hate that they treat each other poorly and it scares me that the kids might suffer because of it.
Butthole and I are... great. Great, great, great. As good as ever. We talked. We texted. We cried. Ok, I cried. We figured it out. We figured out our problem and the solution and we're going to be fine. It'll be rough but we'll be fine. He's great. We're great. I'm happy. I managed to get myself banned from his apartment in College City but I'm happy.
As for the gym and my fat butt: I've been doing pretty good. I'll get measured again at the end of this week to see my progress on my new work out. I think I may have a lost an inch here and there which is very exciting. Also last week I managed to run 3 miles in 27 min and then some! I'm thinking of signing up to run a 5K. ... Maybe.
I've also been hanging out with Adopted Little Brother which makes me very happy. Last night we went bowling and to Joe's Crab Shack. His friends made me feel old. He turned 19 today. His girlfriend is still in high school. Bleh. I felt like such an old fart.
I finished reading Wuthering Heights and now I'm treating my brain to The Lovely Bones. A much needed literary break for my addled brain. I've been working steadily through the classics and it has been quite a work out. I'm giving my brain a cookie.
Such is my life. There's good; there's bad; there's ugly; but I like it. I'm happy. Things are ok.