I'm just surrounded by brilliant people.

Looking back on yesterday's post I feel I didn't do the potato gun story justice. In light of that I will be telling the tale in exuberant language.
On Saturday, College City friends came to visit: Weirdo, Goth Girlfriend, and Cracked. Weirdo finally brought the much talked about potato gun. The tale, however, takes place on Sunday.
That morning we all decided to drive out to the paintball field to shoot potatoes in the air. We went to the grocery store and went through the arduous process of picking the right sized potatoes and the right brand of hair spray. We went back to T-Bitch's to get all of our stuff ready and we embarked on our journey. We went with T-Bitch's truck and Weirdo's car. On our way I pointedly wondered out loud "Isn't the gun in Butthole's car?" ... ... ... We went back and picked it up.
When we arrived at the paintball field we see Weirdo's car not moving. We see the wheels turning and the car remaining stationary. At this point you'd think the rational thing to do would be to stop, get out, and help. Unfortunately, with T-Bitch behind the wheel the last thing to take place will always be the rational thing. T-Bitch GUNS the engine across the dirt, goes over a bump so big we all bounced and hurt ourselves in one way or the other, and then... we got stuck.
Let me recap: We saw one car stuck so T-Bitch attempted to get across. Then he got stuck. He saw that it was unstable terrain and he tried to get through... WE. GOT. STUCK. Are you shocked? You shouldn't be.
After much bitching on Butthole's and my part we got out to assess the situation. Two vehicles stuck in the dirt. Six clueless morons. Not a great equation. I slowly turn and ask "WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT? YOU SAW WEIRDO WAS ALREADY STUCK! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" His answer? "It wasn't always like this. I thought my truck would make it." Hmmm... let's go over all of the things that are wrong with that line of "reasoning":
-It was ok for Weirdo to think "it wasn't always like this" since he had no way of knowing, however, T-Bitch clearly could see it WAS indeed "like this" by clue of one car already being stuck
-His truck does not have 4 wheel drive
-Hellhole is a friggin desert and we had an enormous storm 2 weeks ago that reeked havoc on all the dirt everywhere so the ground was loose on every damn dirt road in town
-Even if he had made it across, we still had the little problem of Weirdo's car being stuck. What were we supposed to do once we got through? Leave him there?
My friends are idiots. I love them but goodness can they be stupid.
So now I call Phatty to send Ingenious Brother in Law for assistance because regardless of the inopportune death of the Iphone by his hand he really is a very resourceful guy. While we waited there was much pointless hole digging in front of tires (apparently digging a deeper hole is going to get the car moving) and T-Bitch attempting to get out leading his bumper to nearly touch the ground... we gave up and started shooting potatoes. Hey, we had to kill time.
Potato gun:

It's pretty simple. You pack a potato with a broom, you spray the inside with hair spray, you put the lid on, aim, shoot, and look up as the potato reaches majestic heights/distances of 30 ft or so. It's pretty awesome. We did that for a while, we hung up a box and tried to shoot at it. I was the one to get closest though none of us hit it. Seriously I bet I could have, too. I missed it that much. We found a golf ball and shot that, too. The bastard went far.
Anyway... eventually IBIL and Cutie Pie came to the rescue. They had to evaluate the damage and get some ropes. In the meantime a couple of the sheriffs from the area stopped by and behaved like assholes to every one's much distaste. The turd buckets actually said "Yeah, we've got tow ropes and yup we've got 4 wheel drive but we don't feel like helping." Yeah... blow it out your ass stupid bully, hope you choke on your next donut. (Let me add, though, that I have no problem with authority, unlike my testosterone filled companions who claimed they "hate cops." I appreciate the work they do, but that is not to say that I don't know quite a few of them are a bunch of incompetent jack asses who couldn't get laid in high school so they went on to choose a career that gives them enough power to make them feel important.) After the unhelpful pricks left Cutie Pie and IBIL tied some ropes and pulled us out. You see, Cutie Pie's Explorer DOES have 4 wheel drive so they got us out in just a few minutes.
We left with all of our necks sun burnt and the guys's pride a little bruised but I can say this much about the experience: Potato guns rock. T-Bitch probably learned nothing and he'll encounter the same situation many times again but at least I won't be in the car with him again.