Aaaannndddd the scores are in!

Aaaaannnndddd Butthole kicks asssssssssssssssss!!!!! 37! 37 !!! 37!!!! All the hard work paid off and I could not be more excited for him. I am so proud of him!

Gahhh

On another note: Suck it Butthole's parents! WHAT NOWWWW????

Low iron.

It has been two months since my last donation. I've decided I'm going to become a regular blood donor and look for a blood drive every 8 weeks. Last week I made an appointment to go donate blood yesterday. I asked Glee to give me a ride and he said he'd actually donate, too. I thought: Great! I get a ride and UBS gets another donor!
I spent all day drinking water to make sure I was well hydrated. I ate fruit throughout the day to keep my sugar in place. I had a good hearty lunch (or so I thought). All to no avail. When Glee and I arrived we were greeted by the funniest, loudest, craziest women. They kept cracking jokes, making fun of each other, and complaining about the music. Through all the jokes and laughter I was asked the questions. Since I had my blood donor ID card it went a lot quicker- they already had all of my information. When she went to prick my finger I did the usual: shut my eyes tight, look away, and breath deeply... all while she made fun of me.
As we joked about my freaking out she took a sample and we waited for the results. Mid-joke she informed me I didn't pass the iron test: I was too low. EFFFFFFFFF. She offered to check again to which I said yes. I figured I had already made it that far and might as well do it. Poke. Sample. Test. FAIL. UGH! What a waste of time. I could have gone to the gym... damn.
She said I could try again today, though I can't because I work. Tomorrow, however, there's another drive somewhere else and I should only be working a half day. I'm thinking for lunch I'll down some pork, take a steak out of the freeze and gobble up some red meat for lunch tomorrow. That should do it, right?
I sure hope so.
Glee's donation went smoothly. The guy that drew his blood kept making irreverent jokes and joking that he'd just gotten out of prison and that he hated blood and needles. I wish I could have gotten poked by the sexist, racist, mentally-unstable, ex-con, too. :( Wait... that didn't sound right :P

Julia the humanitarian

I did it. I ran the race. I came in 644th! Woo! Whatever, it was out of 1300, so suck it.
I'd like to say I found the experience emotional or something but it turned out to be pretty anti-climactic. I got there bright and early at 7ish with Butthole (He's the best, he got up at 6 on Saturday for me!) and walked over to the race site. It's was slightly windy and pretty darn cold!
There were freebies galore (who knew?) and I snuck a few random things: a mug, a key-chain, two of those cheap backpacks with the string straps, a pedometer (I know! Right?), and a little padded pouch with a strap to hang around my neck which will be awesome to stuff my keys and MP3 player on future runs. There was a ton of other stuff but I always feel a little bad about free stuff for some reason so I don't grab everything I could (darn it!).
We spent about 20 minutes trying to find the place to go exchange my shirt because the size I ordered was too big for my comfort. I've gotta say: I did not like the way the event was organized, that is to say, not at all! The volunteers mostly didn't know anything and the important booths such as registration/donation sites/t-shirts were TOTALLY hidden and there were no signs to point you in the right direction. It took us a while to find the starting line, too.
The run was fine. The crowd was HUGE! There were people of every age, shape and size. Men and women running with strollers, a couple of people running with dogs, and little kids. At one point I heard people behind me barking "Woo woo" (think deep barking sort of sounds) noises and suddenly got passed my Batman and a gorilla. I laughed, literally, out loud. I wish I'd have kept the camera at that point. Seriously, a guy running dressed up as batman, with a cape and everything, and a guy behind him running in a gorilla suit. Behind me you could hear "Gosh! That must be HOT!!!" It was great. There were lots of "In Memory of" signs on people's backs, and lots of pictures of loved ones, too. Those were moving. I thought of everyone who lost the battle and everyone who's fighting it and I didn't let myself get tired. Close to the finish line there was a group of little cheerleaders doing cartwheels and cheering. I mean little as in little girls, they must have been aged 5-7. So adorable! There were water stations through out and people on the streets cheering and watching.
Butthole almost didn't see me at the finish line!! I was running and saw him standing there looking through the crowd and he looked right over me! I had to yell "Butthole!" in order for him to find me. He ran with me and then ran ahead to be able to get a picture and then he ran with me to the finish line. I wish they'd had more room! I hated having to stop so abruptly.
We walked around a bit more so my muscles could cool off. I didn't stay for the closing ceremony, sadly, but it wasn't til 2 hours later and there really wasn't much to do til then.
Overall, as much as it wasn't some sort of inspiring experience for me I'm definitely going to do it again next year. It's all for a good cause and that's all that matters. Plus Butthole said it looked like a lot of fun and he wants to try it out next year so who knows, maybe next year I'll be one of the cool people with a team to run with!

Rash decision that hopefully won't backfire.

I'm not an impulsive person. From time to time, however, I make some ridiculous decision without thinking it through. Actually, there's proof of that right here. Yesterday was one of those times when I made a decision without any thinking and I panicked for a while afterwards. I made a rather costly purchase (for my budget, anyway). I bought Phatty and myself a "Spa Package" that includes things like a massage, a facial, a manicure, etc. How did I come to make such a decision? Well... it all started yesterday after lunch while I was at work.
I was sitting there minding my own business, pretending like I was accomplishing some arduous task (while really watching YouTube videos or something equally important) when a dazzling set of freakishly straight and abnormally white teeth walked in through the door.

Julia, squinting: Well hello there outrageously perfect teeth, what can I do for you today?
Teeth: Hello, I'm from Fancy Pants Salon and we have a promotion we are offering to those in the medical field.
Julia, thinking this only applies to the docs/assistants, anyway: Well... this is a dental office, does that count? *hoping he says no so I can shoo him away*
Teeth: Oh yes, that includes you guys! We have a package deal for all of our services for 80% off. That includes massage, facial, foils, manicure, blablabla... all for $42
Julia, blinking away the tears induced by the brightness of his teeth: Err... I don't really need any of that stuff. I do my own nails and I have a fantastic stylist. I know it doesn't translate because I look like this (pointing at myself and my scraggly hair) but she's really great.
Teeth: Well you could always get it as a gift for someone.

Oh you. coy. bastard. You'd love that, wouldn't you?

Julia: Actually, my sister's birthday is next month and she might actually love this. She's a mom of three who works full time and doesn't have time to wipe her butt.*

*Ok, she wipes her butt, but her skin is practically peeling off because she's not even making time to put lotion on. I told her to keep the lotion by the toilet so she can apply it while she poops but she forgets :/ She's that busy.

Julia (cont'd): Can I get back to you?
Teeth: Well, I only have 5 more coupons on me so it's sort of "now or never" It's a great deal, *rattles off the content again* it's a $400 value which right now you'd get for $42.
Julia, hesitant, but slowly falling for the trap: Hmmm... I don't know... Well, what if I got two? Is there a possibility for us both to go together and have a girly day?
Teeth,devilishly: Oh yes, that'd be perfect. Just call and make the appointments and you can go and have whatever you guys want done.
Julia, seriously considering making an impulsive purchase: ... Hmmm

By then I had the coupon in my hand and I was finally able to look past the teeth and notice that he's was actually a guy, not just a floating set of veneers. He had great skin and well groomed hair. He's a great spokesperson but I'd probably recommend he doesn't smile so much. Seriously, I think his teeth damaged my corneas.
Unless that's part of the plan...? Maybe he dazzles unsuspecting customers with his unnaturally white teeth and before you know it you've purchased 2 spa days for you and your sister and you don't even know what hit you? OH SHIZZ! What's this? OH NO! I did buy two spa days for my sister and me! How did that happen? You sneaky, smooth-skinned, crisp-shirted, perfectly groomed persuader... you're sick!
At any rate. There was no turning back but having reverted to my usual non-impulsive self I was now panicking. "What did I just do!?!" Seeking validation for my lack of thinking, I informed some online friends (yeah, I have online friends, wanna do something about it?) about my purchase. Everyone seemed to think it was a great deal, great present, great purchase, etc. Then a couple mentioned that there would probably be some sort of aggressive sales pitch when I got there and to be prepared. That's not as exciting and then someone said the inevitable:
"What if the guy isn't even from the salon?"
...
*tires squealing*HOoooooooOOooooolllldddd the phone. WHAT? *Julia craps her pants* "I didn't even think of that" *Surge of adrenaline as I panic* "What if I just wasted $84 on a scam!?!??"
Aw crap. At any rate, I swallowed the lump in my throat and called the salon.

Girl: Fancy Pants Salon, how may I help you?
Julia, nearly in tears and shaking: Hi, I just had a guy walk in claiming to be from Fancy Pants Salon offering a deal for your services...
Girl: *sighs* yes... about that...
Julia, freaking the hell out because I think the girl's about to tell me it's a scam: I was wondering if it's for real?
Girl: Yes, it IS real. It's a legitimate offer. We've had several calls about it.
Julia, getting dizzy from the huge sigh of relief: Oh good, because I just purchased two of those packets so I'm glad I didn't waste my money.

At any rate, apparently one should check on those things before making rash decisions. Obviously plenty of others are more cautions than me. Curse me and my trusting nature!
I'm glad I didn't waste my money, but hopefully I'll think twice next time I give some dashing set of teeth a large lump of money.

The times when I lose hope.

Sometimes people say and do things that make me wonder. I'll just illustrate my point with this conversation:

Next patient of the day who's due in ten minutes (Next patient, for short): Hi, this is New Patient, I have an appointment at 11 and I wanted to let you know that I'm running late. Is that ok?
Me, irritated but willing to deal with it: Yes it should be ok (No, it's not, but what am I supposed to d0?) how late are you running?
Next patient: Probably a few minutes. I had a family emergency.

Now let me add that I believe that excuse is bullshit. He just sounds like the kind of guy that would abuse the idea of his grandmother getting carried away by a velociraptor* in order to get away with stopping at Starbucks before his dentist appointment. Regardless of that, I NEVER care about patients' excuses (unless they try to make me feel bad about their grandma getting carried about by a velociraptor- then I think they are total douches). Realistically speaking, the reason why they are running late/not coming doesn't matter to me because whether their Grandma got carried away by a velociraptor, or they just slept in, or they were in Africa feeding starving children and were delayed by a layover in China where zombies were attacking all the pilots doesn't change the fact that now my schedule is messed up, my boss is going to turn into a royal bitch, and Doctor is going to go off on a rant about people's idiocy with a tone of superiority.


Me: Well if it's just a few minutes that should be ok.
Next patient: Yeah, well I'm just now leaving Town That's at Least 45 Minutes Away. So yea... Will you still see me?
Me, thinking "Are you an idiot?": .... If you are just now leaving Town That's at Least 45 Minutes Away there's not way you're going to make your 11 O'clock appointment as that's in 10 minutes and you're 45 minutes away.
Next patient, confused: So can I still be seen today? I'll just be late by a little bit.
Me, thinking "You ARE an idiot": ... No. At this rate you're going to be late by an hour.
Next Patient, with what is probably a blank stare: So, can't I still be seen?

Bitch Boss overheard me at this point and did that obnoxious thing where she starts barking orders in an angry tone about how I need to reschedule the patient and how the patient is a "f**cking idiot." Because apparently she can't tell from what I'm saying that's it's obvious I'm telling this jerk off that we won't see him today, so she feels the need to make it clear.

Me, thinking "Not only are you an idiot, but you're also deaf": No. We are going to have to reschedule you.
Next Patient, now shocked and appalled: FOR REALS?! Like... you can't still see me? I'm just running a little bit late.
Me, thinking "How fast do you think you can drive? Moron.": No, you're not. You're running late by at least 45 minutes. There's another patient after you and if we see you then we'll be late for the next patient. We will not see you today.
Next Patient: ...oh. So I can't be seen?

I sure hope this guy doesn't have kids. I proceeded to reschedule his appointment and hopefully his grandpa won't be eaten by rabid goats next week.

EFF!!! And of course now Bitch Boss is being a bitch cursing and moaning about what a "F**ked day" this is. I hate this place. Sometimes I wish I was free to tell people just how idiotic they are.

*Why doesn't Spellcheck recognize the word velociraptor? And why does it want me to replace it with "velocipede"? WTF is a velocipede? Oh.. apparently a velocipede is " any human-powered land vehicle with one or more wheels' so basically a bike. WTF? That's not evel close to a dinosaur.

Mandatory Sex Parties

It's a well known fact that I'm incredibly awesome. Really, it's true. What? I can't help it. I was just born this way. As admittedly awesome as I may be I am also well aware that there are those out there who are far, far awesomer than even me. Take Allie, for example. I discovered her blog last week while I debated whether it'd be more painful to staple my tongue to my lip or to stab my calf with a letter opener at work. Allie is tremendously awesome.
As I made my way through her old posts I came across her bit about the Mandatory Sex Parties, unbeknown to her, a term created in an erratic need for an outrageous statement. When she realized that no one had ever used that term before she decided she'd start a campaign to get the phrase popularized.
This post is partly to spread the word, but it's also reflective. I started to think about mandatory sex parties and wondered what exactly they would entail. Sex as a requirement, for one, that's obvious. Or is it? Is the sex mandatory or is attendance mandatory? If so, what would one do if invited but unwilling to participate? Would the invitation come with an RSVP card with only a "Yes, I will be attending" box? How exactly would the rule be enforced, though? Would these be a new social requirement? "You must attend a MSP at least once every 6 years."
Would admittance to these parties be invitational only? Is it some raunchy free for all where all are welcome so long as they are prepared to get down dirty with their private parts? What kind of sexual activities would one be required to partake in? Does masturbation count as sex? Could one show up to one of these parties and sit in the corner and spank it while others got freaky with each other?
Are these house parties or would the take place at one of those orgy houses (that's what I call them anyway) where people pay to get in and then have sex with strangers? I would think this would need to be more of an organized event than just "Hey Tommy, you're invited to my Mandatory Sex Party. Bring your own condoms! I really hope to see you there from 6:30 to 9:30 on Friday night. There will be refreshments and comfortable pillows." There should be consent forms, health checks, and the department of sanitation would definitely need to be involved.
In retrospect, I hope this term never takes off. I'd be very afraid of some creep eventually taking the joke way too seriously and trying to actually have a mandatory sex party. And what if people like them? I would dread checking my mail every day. I'd shiver every time I saw an invitation envelope. I'd tremble every time a friend approached me with a piece of paper in hand. Checking my e-mail would be a nightmare what with evites being just a click away. Oh the horror! The horror!!

The Butthole Blog.

Let's give it up, already. Truth is, Butthole is mostly my life. At least the part of my life worth talking about. I hardly talk about him to anyone but him so I need to let it out. I've been driving him crazy lately telling him just how amazing he is.
"You're starting to act like my mother" he said. A-hole.
Point is, he IS awesome. Really, not just as my boyfriend. He's a great boyfriend but really, he's just great. I seriously feel more fulfilled in my life just by knowing him. He's a good person. His good qualities are so overabundant it's almost sickening.
I still remember the time I asked him why he donated blood. He didn't actually have an answer. It was a matter of "Why not?" He did it because he's a kind, generous person who doesn't need to gain in order to give.
He's incredibly patient. Every time I complain about pretty much anyone (usually Boss Lady) he doesn't know what to say. You know why? Because things just don't get to him. He tells me "Just be amused by it. Why are you getting mad?" I have no idea how he does it.
He's the only kid I've ever me who actually feels guilty if he doesn't do what his parents ask of him. He is so grateful for what they've done for him that he doesn't hesitate to repay them for their hard work.
We're talking about a guy who manages to balance a full time school work load (while remaining in the honors program), working at a lab, a steady friendship with guys he's known since the 7Th grade, a good relationship with his family, all while keeping his psychotic girlfriend happy. He's like a super hero without the tights. He's seriously giving Chuck Norris a run for his money.
I highly recommend, if you haven't met him yet, that you seek him out. He will enrich your life in ways you never knew possible.