Leave the past behind you.

I have made mistakes in my life. We all have. I used to be the person who would dwell on every little detail and make myself crazy over things I couldn't change. I've worked very hard to learn to let go of things. My mantra became "Hair grows" as in "This, too, shall pass." It has helped me so much. It's still hard to not dwell on events but I've learned to accept them and move on.
Somehow the past manages to creep up on me and won't let me move on. The past comes in the form of Butthole. I had far too recently broken up with Ex when Butthole and I started talking and later dating. Because of the freshness of the wounds (for lack of a better term, things were certainly not this dramatic) Butthole knows far too much about my previous relationship. Because Butthole knew Ex he asked a lot of questions. A lot of these questions I was in no shape to answer because things were still so fresh in my mind and all the emotions were so ripe that I truly didn't know some answers. There were a lot of things I hadn't come to terms with so answers that I may have given then might not be the same now. This doesn't make me a liar, contrary to what Butthole may believe.
In past year and a half (+) I've had time to think and re-evaluate and learn from the past. With that in mind it is true that I am now able to accept things which I may have been ashamed of in the past.
I am ok with all of this. I am at peace with the past. Butthole, however, is not. Why should it matter to him? After all, it is MY past. Unfortunately in my rampant state of confusion I divulged far too much to Butthole giving him the idea that he is entitled to answers about my past relationship. Let it be said that though I may have made mistakes with Ex those mistakes in no way relate or translate to my relationship with Butthole.
Currently the problem is with T-Bitch. It's true that T-Bitch and I kissed after Ex and I broke up. It is true that T-Bitch was the first guy that while I was dating Ex I found attractive. To clarify: When things were all fine and happy with Ex all other guys were neutral to me. At the end when I was ready to get out one of the reasons I knew things were over was because I thought to myself "If only I was single..." No, I am not proud of that. No, I shouldn't have stayed with Ex after I thought that, after all, you shouldn't be lusting after anyone but your significant other. While I'm not proud I've let that mishap go. They were just thoughts and feelings: I didn't act on them and Ex and I obviously broke up.
Butthole claims I denied having any sort of feelings for T-Bitch while I was dating Ex. Realistically speaking that is neither here nor there because it's been nearly 2 years and what did or didn't happen while Ex and I were together isn't his business unless it includes some venereal disease. While I don't recall the conversation and Butthole was unable to relay it to me since he chose to have this conversation on IM while he's an ocean away I'll still say that it's possible I denied it at the time. After all, who really wants to admit that they were lusting after someone while dating someone else, and especially to their current boyfriend? Seeing that I am now at peace with the past I now said that yes, I indeed WAS attracted to T-Bitch AT THE TIME, what's the big deal? Apparently it makes me a big fat liar.
I don't know what to do anymore. Back in October during my break down of the year I texted T-Bitch asking him to come find me. The reason is because the attraction feelings for T-Bitch are now long, LONG, gone and he's my friend. In my intoxicated state I felt that as a good friend he would be a good person to talk to about my relationship woes and cry to him in a drunken rage. That is it. All I wanted to do was to talk to him. I wanted to talk to Jewlove too, but she wasn't there.
It would appear that since given occasion Butthole has been harboring suspicions of more dubious intentions on my part. His words were "Were you looking for him to make out with him?" HA! As if. I actually thought he was joking at first but Alas! He was not. He was dead damn serious. What am I supposed to make of that?
He won't have any other explanation since after all, I am such a liar because I once said I had never lusted after T-Bitch.
What am I supposed to do? How can I keep reassuring him? He refuses to let go of my past. He refuses to believe a word I say. Why on earth is he with me if he distrusts me so? At the beginning I knew I had made my bed and must lie in it when problems cropped up due to my mistakes, but now? 18 months later? I could even deal with the ridiculous accusation if he wasn't bringing up my past "history" but this?
He obviously cannot understand that my relationship with Ex cannot be compared to the one I have with him. Ex treated me like crap and by the end I was so miserable I hardly would recognize myself now. How can he compare that to our relationship now? To me, the sun rises and sets on him but somehow he thinks I'm turning to the first guy that cross my path at the first time turmoil. I am in this for real. I am willing to do what it takes. How can I prove this to him? Why should I have to prove it any further? Will he ever change? Is this how this is always going to be?
I can't live like this and we certainly cannot have a relationship like this. I am done explaining myself for what happened before he came along. How am I supposed to undo telling him everything I told him? Can he move on?
I sure hope so... What can kind of relationship lasts if there is no trust...?