The Incident.

It all started Friday of last week. A craving. I thought to myself: "Some ice cream sounds good." Something delicious like German Chocolate Cake from Baskin Robbins. I'll talk to Butthole and see if he wants some. Saturday came and went and we never got the chance to go. Sunday night came and we ran out of time. "I promise we'll go next weekend," he said. I sighed, "Alright."
Last night came and the craving was still there. I ate a good dinner and though I was full I was not satisfied. I wanted ice cream. I didn't have ice cream. I had half a mind to call Temporary Roommate and have her pick some up from the grocery store but I knew it wouldn't be the same. I would hold of. The time passed and I still needed some form of dessert. I settled for a can of delicious Mountain Dew. I try to abstain from soda on the week days but these were desperate times. I needed the fix.
I purposely keep the Mountain Dew in a dark corner in my cupboard: "Out of sight out of mind." I don't keep it in the fridge to avoid temptation. I walked over to the cupboard. I crouched down and reached. I felt around for the box. Oh no! I'm running low. Must add to the grocery list! But first...
I pulled out a glass. I filled it with ice cubes. I slowly poured the fizzy nectar over the ice cubes. I let it sit so it'd chill. I put the dishes away in the meantime. Once the beverage reached the perfectly chilled temperature I removed the ice cubes. There's nothing worse than watered down soda.
I went over to the couch and sat down. I took a sip. Oh yes... state of nirvana. I pushed play on my Sex and City DVD. I placed the cup on the arm rest (oh yes I did) as always.
Then... in slow motion... it happened. The cup stated to fall. Ever. So. Slowly. Nirvana was disrupted. I reached up to stop it but instead found myself covered from head to toe in lime green sugary delight. Seriously, it was everywhere. I sat there for a second evaluating the situation. What to clean first? Seeing as my (freshly washed) hair was covered in soda I decided to jump back in the shower. Standing in front of the mirror I evaluated the damage: my hair, my face, my chest, my shirt, my bra, my...underwear? WTF? That's talent. GRRUUUNNNTT.
I hosed off and got dressed. I went to the couch. I stepped on a wet carpet... on the opposite end of the couch from where I was sitting... what? Forget the underwear: THIS is talent. I had completely drenched the couch, table, wall, lamp and carpet. I sadly looked up at my cup. It wasn't even half empty! Now how did I do this much damage with so little liquid? This is just not right, this counters the laws of physics or something. Seriously they should make me into a character for the Justice League or something. I'd be Klutzy Girl. My superpower description would go as follows on a Wikipedia article: Klutzy Girl has the ability to cause obscene amounts of damage while executing the most mundane daily tasks. Here's my slogan: Messing up villain's interior decor one room at a time! What a sack of crap. I finished what was left of my soda as I shifted to find a dry spot on the couch.
Later that night when Temporary Roommate came home we talked and discussed our lives in general (Hey! Butthole couldn't talk last night I had to tell someone the day's events). Around midnight I was still surprisingly awake when Temporary Roommate said "Hey, wanna go to Denny's and get shakes?"
That's right... after trying to unsuccessfully satisfy a craving and possibly initiating an ant infestation in my living room I still ended up stuffing myself with a brownie covered in hot fudge topped with a scoop of ice cream. I'm going running tonight.