Torn.

Something else seems to have happened over the weekend... something I was unaware of until yesterday morning. I received an e-mail from Butthole on Saturday morning. My first thought was "Hmmm... when on earth did he send this? I was with him the whole weekend." Weird. The subject line was "Please honor Jesus in your life‏." I thought maybe it was supposed to be some ironic e-mail or something. After all, I am not-fully-certain-Agnostic and Butthole is Agnostic with what I think are some pretty intense Atheist leanings. Weird. I opened it and I saw that he only sent to his mother and me. At the sight of this my thought was "WTF? And GREAT, now his mom is going to have a field day with my idiotic e-mail address." Weird. Then came the content:
DID YOU KNOW THESE FACTS?
I SURE DIDN'T TILL NOW
Death is certain but the Bible speaks about untimely death! Make a personal reflection about this..... Very interesting, read until the end.....
It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7): 'Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sow, that shall he also reap.
Here are some men and women who mocked God :
John Lennon (Singer): Some years before, during his interview with an American Magazine, he said:
'Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue about that. I am certain. Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple, today we are more famous than Him' (1966). Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.
Tancredo Neves (President of Brazil ): During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500,000 votes from his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency. Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made President, then he died.
Cazuza (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet): During A show in Canecio ( Rio de Janeiro ), while smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said:'God, that's for you.' He died at the age of 32 of LUNG CANCER in a horrible manner.
The man who built the Titanic. After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the Titanic would be. With an ironic tone he said: 'Not even God can sink it' The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic
Marilyn Monroe (Actress) She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show. He said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her. After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said: 'I don't need your Jesus'.
A week later, she was found dead in her apartment
Bon Scott (Singer) The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang: 'Don't stop me; I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell'. On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by his own vomit.
Campinas (IN 2005) In Campinas , Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend... The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter holding her hand, who was already seated in the car: 'My Daughter, Go With God And May He Protect You.' She responded: 'Only If He (God) Travels In The Trunk, Cause Inside Here....It's Already Full ' Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died, the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact. The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none was broken
Christine Hewitt (Jamaican Journalist and entertainer) said the Bible (Word of God) was the worst book ever written. In June 2006 she was found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle.
Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus.
Many have died, but only Jesus died and rose again, and he is still alive.
'Jesus'
PS: If it was a joke, you would have sent it to everyone. So are you going to have courage to send this?.
I have done my part, Jesus said 'If you are embarrassed about me, I will also be embarrassed about you before my father.'
At the end was the regular plug-in of "pass this on or such and such will kill all your children blablabla." Now I was incredibly confused. Butthole dislikes most forwards, and certainly ones that can be proven wrong so very, very easily. Seriously. Snopes.com people. I thought, "Is he some born-again Christian and didn't tell me? Was there a memo I missed?" I figured we'd discuss it at night when we talked. Well last night he text me and said, "Did you get an e-mail from me?" I had. "I didn't send that." Oh the mystery!
I'll spare the detective work. It turns out HIS MOTHER SENT IT TO ME. Let me repeat that: HIS MOTHER SENT ME A FORWARD URGING ME TO SEE THE ERROR OF MY WAYS FROM HER SON'S E-MAIL ACCOUNT.
I am torn. I am torn in all directions. Part of me is absolutely horrified. I am weirded out. I am amused. I am offended. I am embarrassed. I feel a little guilty, too. I feel bad that I'm having all of these feelings because, well, I respected this woman. She may not like me and she may look for any reason to complain about me but she is still Butthole's mom. Just because she can't look past her own feelings for the sake of her son doesn't mean I can't. It's just that this is too ridiculous. She isn't even my mother-in-law! She's behaving like Marie Barone! Butthole and I are 20 years old. We just had our first anniversary. It's way too early for her to be pulling these stunts.
I guess I started backwards on my "feelings list" so let's continue that way and then it'll be clearer why I feel guilty:
Embarrassed: I feel embarrassed FOR HER. The e-mail started out stating that it was chalk-full of "FACTS." Proof that these aren't facts are just a click away. Butthole and I frequently laugh at those who state their words as fact when they aren't. Ahhhh... I feel bad that I am so tempted to mock her!!!
Offended: This woman has never asked me about my thoughts on religion or on anything for that matter. In fact, she has made every visit at her house positively awkward. All she knows is that I'm not Christian. She knows this because Butthole told her, not because she asked me. How dare she send me some e-mail to try and "educate" me on my beliefs when she doesn't know the first thing about my feelings? How disgustingly passive aggressive. How offensively judgemental.
Amused: Remember the bit about "FACTS"? I happen to know that that is not an exact quote from John Lennon. In fact, the real quote almost shows him speaking of Christianity in a positive light, in my opinion. Also, why did God take 14 years to kill him? Hmm.. convenient. Why was some woman's idea of protecting her daughter praying for her when she should have been stopping her from putting herself in such an obviously dangerous situation? I'm pretty sure my mom would knock my teeth out before allowing me to go on my merry way in a car with a drunk driver. And why were there eggs in the trunk of the car? How effing weird is that? Again with the wanting to mock her. GUILT!
Weirded out: Did I mention she sent this from Butthole's account? Wtf?
Last but certainly not least, HORRIFIED: So what is she trying to say? God is going to kill me? Yup... not convincing. Is this seriously her idea of luring me into Christianity? Believe or die? I haven't finished reading the Bible but Butthole has already spoiled the ending. I have it on good authority that God stopped smiting people after Jesus was crucified. I thought God was forgiving. Am I supposed to believe that out of all the darn people in the world (I hear there's a lot. I wouldn't know. I don't get out of the house much) God chose to kill these few? I know plenty of people who have said offensive things about God and Jesus and Christianity and last time I checked they were still alive and kickin. I'm also certain that Christians don't live forever and they don't all go peacefully in their sleep. I guess it's not just sinners that are destined for horrible and untimely deaths. I know someone, personally, who last year died a slow, cruel and painful death after battling cancer. She was a faithful believer. Ugh. Put another tally next to "offended". How effing dare she.
Now that I think about it more I am also thoroughly disgusted with this line of thinking. Ugh. That's all I can say.
And again with the guilt. She's Butthole's mom. She's Butthole's mom. She's Butthole's mom. He loves her and, damn it, I love him. By default I love her. I don't care if she doesn't feel that way about me. That's her prerogative. She may think she's superior than me with her higher education, her religion, and her perfect family but I sleep soundly knowing that I'm a good person and that I would never treat someone the way she treated me.
Torn. Torn. Torn.
And the reason I am letting it all out here is because I love him. I can't tell him all of this because... well... you know... And as much as I'd love to finally have an opportunity to bash her to my mom and my sister I can't do that to him. I don't want to give my mom and my sister a reason to dislike her. I don't need them thinking they need to defend me or criticize her every time I tell them something about her. This is too big. I'll just spill it here and go on about my day.
*Let it be said that I was also correct in thinking she'd have a field day with my e-mail address. I MADE THAT ADDRESS WHEN I WAS 14, WOMAN! I thought it was cute! Do you also want to judge my fashion choices from that time!? I WORE JELLY BRACELETS! DO YOU WANT TO JUDGE THAT TOO???? UGHHHHHHHH!!!