I can't even enjoy the sunrise...

This morning when I left home from work the sky looked beautiful. The fluffiest, patchiest clouds littered the morning sky. Those kinds of clouds that with the morning light look blue instead of white. They blended perfectly with that light blue of the early hours of the day. All I could think of was him. "The" him. The Butthole "him." It took me back to a long, long time ago.
It was early-mid December 2008. I had stayed at his house, and in the morning he took me to work. I even remember the sound I made when the alarm went off. His room was pitch black and I had a head cold. I remember how warm his body felt. I recall the way he sleepily got out of bed and put on a sweater. The way he waited for me to get ready at home. I still remember the sky that morning. I still remember the way I felt. We were outside taking Spazzpup out (how romantic) and it was freezing. It was an odd cold. The sky was bright fuchsia and the clouds neon orange. We could see our breath but we weren't shivering. I remember he was wearing basket ball shorts. I remember how I loved him. How I wanted to stay rooted that very spot and enjoy the sunrise with him.
I remember lots of moments like that.
It's been 4 months and it feels like years... After 4 months I should feel more secure in my decision, not doubtful. I miss him. I miss everything about him.
Everything still reminds me of him. I can't enjoy much without thinking of him. Chuck Norris facts aren't funny unless he's the one texting them to me. No one seems to know that grapes are the fruit of hope... or what long pointies are. No one knows what it's like to miss it by that much. No one's made fun of my "Christmas sweaters." Dulce de leche is mine again. I'm no one's Sugar Plum Fairy.
I can still remember his smell. His voice... I miss the sweet things he used to say to me. The way his eyes would light up when he'd see me after a long time. How he'd hug me when he came home on Fridays. I miss the way I could hear him run up the stairs to see me. The annoying way he'd hover around me in the kitchen and hug me tightly when I told him to go away. I miss walking Spazzpup with him while he bitched he was cold because he was still wearing sandals in the winter.
Do I have the strength to call him? Can I swallow my pride and disregard my belief that when people break up it's forever? Should I call him? Does he still miss me?
It always felt like true love. I was so sure it was. I still feel sure it was. I'm still sure I'll never love like that again. How can anyone know for sure? Did we just end at the wrong time? Were we always going to be together? What would have happened if I just waited another year? Would the lost time absolutely change everything? Did I ruin my only shot at finding the right guy?
One thing is for sure... the sunrise isn't the same.