I had the Teenage Dream.

I had this. I had it all. I really did. Down to the part of him thinking I'm funny when I'm really not.
He's testing me. I know it and I know I deserve it. I'm gonna have to prove I deserve a second chance and I can't argue. I will spend a long time living in dread. I will spend a long time hesitating before I even tell him I love him. I will stop breathing every time he doesn't text me back.
Would I turn back time if I could? Hell yes. I would go back to early August. I would go out and buy and bike and spend those last glorious weeks of summer riding to the park with him. I would go see Dinner for Schmucks. I may have gone to California with him if the chance materialized. I would choose house parties over the club. I would choose losing sleep to talk on the phone vs. any other reason.
I can't do that. I have to go forward. I have to extricate some form of lesson from this experience.
Listen to your heart.
Be honest with yourself.
Don't be so afraid to jump.
Trust him.
Accept who you are.
Fight for what you want.
Accept the lack of control.
Live for yourself.
This is not a New Years Resolution. This is a needed life change. This is the time to grow up.