Why am I such a biatch??

Seriously, what is wrong with me?
GirlName is this super nice guy and we had become such good friends and now... I can't stand him!!! Every stupid thing he says makes me roll my eyes, every compliment he gives me makes my skin crawl, every tired joke he tells makes me want to smack him.
I'm an a-hole.
I was trying so hard to re-create Butthole that I let anyone fill the spot. I enjoy flattery so much that I'll overlook everything that generally annoys me just to hear I'm pretty. What a loser.
At first it was fun... he seemed clever and funny and we had so much in common. We would tell jokes and watch movies and go out with people. Eventually it got really tiring. The thing is, he's not tired of me. I let him believe we were great friends and now he won't know what the hell happened.
He's just so annoying. The stupid way he thinks I want his life advice and want to have deep conversation about my insecurities. The annoying "knight-in-shining-armor" delusion in which he thinks I need or want his help. He thinks I care (or should care) that he finds certain behaviors unattractive. How he thinks he's so chivalrous for not telling me I'm fat. How he assumes I want to hear otherwise. The way I can tell he hates it when I make fun of him. His annoying self-deprecating humor which is clearly a defense mechanism parents tell their elementary school aged kids to ward off the bullies. Fkn pussy. That's all I think. Dude, to quote Abed: "I have self esteem falling out of my butt." I really don't need you to kiss my ass all day, and if you expect anything resembling flattery to come from me you're going to be waiting for a very long time. You gotta earn the flattery.
Everything he does and says makes me cringe. Man, I'm such an ass!! Why can't I just associate with nice people? Nice is not fun. I want a worthy contender who can tell me I'm fat and knows he/she won't hurt my feelings. I want someone who's man enough to make fun of me. I life people who can take a verbal beating.
He's too much of a weenie. I'm too much of a bitch.
Bleh.