Alone for Christmas.

Nope... not because Butthole is gone... because my mom finally lost her damn mind and I can't take it anymore.
I'm done. I can't keep doing this to myself. For years I've tried to deal with her and turn the other cheek and tolerate her because "she's my mother" after all. Well, I can't justify her behavior any more. She doesn't love me, she doesn't care about me and frankly, I've done nothing to deserve the treatment I get. All she thinks about is herself. She told me horrible things about my dad when my parents got divorced at the expense of my feelings and what I needed for her own satisfaction. She tells me terrible things about my little brother such as I won't even repeat here because the idea of him EVER hearing them tears me up.
It started last week. Phatty doesn't talk to her. I've covered that before. I invited mom to Phatty's recital because I said "eff it, I don't care what Phatty might want, mom would enjoy it" well mom's answer to my invitation was a dramatic "Well, am I allowed to go? Will I be getting dirty looks? Please, I just couldn't possibly bear it if I had to put up with that!" Let it be said that even after all mom has done to Phatty (including a horrible phone call to her that sent her into early labor with her second baby) she has NEVER given mom undeserved dirty looks. Here's where I went wrong: I could have said, "yes, of course you can go. In fact- it's a great idea! Go and shout and be merry!" but I broke and I couldn't take her nonsense and told her she was being ridiculous. I told her to quit acting like a drama queen and get over it. If she didn't want to get dirty looks that she shouldn't do the things that would provoke them. Well that did it.
That got me an angry e-mail about what a horrible daughter I am for not comforting her in her hour of need and how she's a human being that needs comfort and she wouldn't be going to the recital if not allowed to "be herself". To which I replied that unfortunately I am her daughter not her friend or confidant and that I'm not here to listen to her woes between her and my sister. That is not to say I don't listen to all the other stuff (work, boyfriends, friends, blablabla) but I will not be the ear that listens to how horrible my siblings are-not from my mother. So I got a very nice cup of "go fuck myself" and we didn't talk for a few days.
I thought I'd let it blow over as usual and go about my business and pretend nothing happened. Well I e-mailed her about Christmas dinner with a recipe I wanted to try and her reply was a brief "I haven't thought about it, I can't really handle thinking about it right now. Are you still coming? I haven't bothered thinking about it since all my children hate me." Cue eye-roll. Seeing as my e-mail clearly showed that I had planned on going and she still replied in this way I told her if she didn't want to do anything I'd host dinner for myself and Little Brother and be done with it.
This triggered another invitation to go fuck myself (in Spanish, but nonetheless). Yes, that would my OWN MOTHER telling me to go fuck myself. Lovely, right? I'm done and I told her so.
I guess I'll have to find new plans for Christmas. Butthole is gone, most of my other friends have functional or at least semi-functional families and will be doing, I'm sure, something on Christmas night. I'm hoping Phatty will be doing dinner at her house rather than her in-laws so maybe I can hang out with her. Otherwise I'll be home alone with my dog and probably a couple movies that will make me cry by the gallon.
I fucking hate this dysfunction.