I can't wait til you and your boyfriend break up.

I have actually been having some deep thoughts but seeing as the past two posts have been rather depressing I'm going with something a bit more light-hearted.
As I've made it clear one of the few places where I interact with human beings on a casual basis is the gym. I don't go to socialize but I do make light conversation when people engage me. I've met a few interesting people at the gym. There's Happy, who confided in me about the time his two older kids stuck his baby in the drier (seriously), and Dancing Mexican who always cracks me up when I look up because he's, well, dancing. There's the few charismatic old ladies, the out-of-shape who are trying to get in shape and then there's the guys who hit on me. Ha.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hate being that girl who thinks she's so cool and so hot and that all the guys hit on her. It's not like it happens often and I am not that girl, but I am A girl and guys hit on girls so from time to time I'm able to tell the story about the way-too-forward guy who tried to strike up a conversation. When I tell the story I always feel like I sound like one of those girls.
The guys aren't all pigs, they aren't all obscenely forward, but no matter what, I hate getting hit on ESPECIALLY since I have a boyfriend. Ugh... it's so awkward. I'm always nice to them. I have no reason to be rude, but I don't like to assume that they want to get in my pants so I don't introduce myself as "Julia and I have a boyfriend." However, since I don't do that right off the bat, eventually I'm forced to say it when they allude to their interest in me. If I can bring it casually into the conversation I will: "What did you do this weekend?" "I hung out with my boyfriend." But if the chance doesn't come up then I find myself awkwardly staring at the floor when they say "So... what are you doing this weekend?" Or some such thing.
The other problem is that I never know whether to tell Butthole or not. If I tell him then I feel like he thinks I'm trying to make him jealous. If I don't tell him then I feel like I'm being dishonest which is unreasonable as I'm not doing anything wrong. I do tell him about the guys I feel are inappropriate or make me uncomfortable... like Pansy.
Ugh... Pansy. I finally got him off my back just recently. He engaged me in conversation one day a few months ago. Everything was ok at first. We had some common ground since we are both foreign. We made jokes about our experiences interacting with Americans and learning English when we first moved out here. It was all pretty innocent... then one day he told me how beautiful he thought I was. Umm... ok... that's fine. It's just a compliment: I smiled, I said thanks, and I moved on. That should have been the end of that since he already knew I had a boyfriend but then it didn't stop. Suddenly he was calling me beautiful, not like a one time compliment thing but as a nickname. That made me uncomfortable. I had already made it clear that we could be friends and nothing else. He claimed to be ok with it but umm... sorry, none of my friends, guys or girls, refer to me as "Beautiful." You know who on occasion calls me that? MY BOYFRIEND, that's who. Because that's the kind of nickname a boyfriend gives. I let it go at first and just sort of threw the "friend" word around so he'd get the message. Then one day I was talking about Butthole and the fact that I missed him during the week and he made some comment about how I should find a boyfriend in town. Umm... how about no? Sorry, I don't want A boyfriend I want Butthole. He then said "Well, if you are ever single let me know." Yeah, as if. "Don't hold your breath," I told him. I thought I was clear enough but he didn't get the memo. You see, when we first started talking and he seemed normal we exchanged phone numbers, after all I'm always open to make new FRIENDS. He started calling randomly just to talk (much like a boyfriend does), he'd text me good morning and good night and check up on me through out the day. I'm sorry, who are you again? He kept calling me "beautiful" and asking me to hang out at odd hours (No, dude, I'm not inviting you to hang out at my house at 9 o clock at night!) Eventually I told him that I found his behavior inappropriate and I didn't think being "friends" would work for me. Just because he said he wanted to be friends didn't mean that that's what his behavior reflected and I wasn't comfortable with talking to him. He backed off for a while but eventually started talking to me. A simple bout of ignoring his calls and texts did most of the trick but what I think really did it was when he saw me check my phone, roll my eyes, and ignore his text. Oh yeah, because the weirdo would text me while I was at the gym and watch my reaction or something, how creepy is that? Oh, and I call him Pansy because the little whiner would start most conversations with "are you mad at me?" UGH! "No, dude, I'm not mad at you, but since you take my friendliness as some sort of creepy sign that I want to marry you and have your babies I have to give you the cold shoulder and keep my answers short and un-engaging!" I always told Butthole about Pansy. I know he didn't like hearing about it but not telling him about it made me uncomfortable.
The other guy is Creepy. He isn't actually creepy like Pansy. Creepy behaves like a creep but he does it intentionally and for fun, unlike Pansy who was creepy by nature and was so stupid he didn't realize it. Creepy is fairly innocent and creepily forward. He's the one that delivered the title line. He thinks I'm hott and point blank asked me if I was single. When I said no he gave me the dramatic broken-hearted speech. He is so blatantly creepy that I know he's just joking. "Oh man, you are so cool, your boyfriend is one lucky guy" "Nope, I'm the lucky one ;)" And he does uber creepy things like pretend to sniff me when I'm all sweaty on the treadmill. He's simply too creepy to be taken seriously. I can handle that. As long as my relationship isn't disrespected or insulted hit on me all you want but I'm still going to tell you to dream on. Which, by the way, Creepy will do as he so creepily told me. "A guy can dream" he said. Meh... he's better off asking Santa for a pony or world peace but whatever... if his creepy fantasy makes him happy who am I to deny his delusion? Which brings me to a realization. It's not the getting hit on that's awkward, is the having to tell them to back off that makes me uncomfortable. As long as the guy backs off then it's fine.
One more. Now this one (which kind of prompted this post) I'm not sure sounds as a "hit on" story as I'm not sure he was hitting on me. I haven't interacted with him enough to give him a name but let's go with... Droopy. I was working out my thighs. You know, on this awkward-ass machine:

OF COURSE. Pretty much the most uncomfortable time to talk to someone. "Hi I'm Julia, and that's my crotch!" I digress... So he came up to me and asked if I spoke Spanish (I think by now they all know I do but they all still ask). He told me that he couldn't stop admiring my beauty and that I'm a very beautiful woman. Lol. I just sort of sat there with my legs basically on stir-ups giving him an uncomfortable smile and saying thanks. The funniest part is that I'm currently nursing the most heinous pimple on my chin right now, plus yesterday I didn't feel like shaving my arm pits (TMI, I guess) so I wore a t-shirt. Oh, and you know that t-shirt in the back of your closet that's all stretched out? Don't deny it's there. You know the one. It has massive pit stains that basically thinned the fabric to partial non-existence? That's the one. Yeah, I was wearing that t-shirt. Ha. Bless his heart.
I won't deny the shallow part of me blushed a bit and felt flattered but still... it was so funny. Like I said, not all guys are creeps. I'm sure Droopy meant nothing other than "hey I think you're pretty" kind of like an old person says it but you know... he's not an old guy so it comes off different.
I hate telling these stories because I don't like people to think that I have a big head over it. In all reality you've gotta admit: they are good stories! I like to share because of the humor but it still seems so cocky of me.
I think it bears repetition, though: this does NOT happen often. Seriously. Take into consideration that I'm telling all of my "I got hit on" stories from the whole year so it's really not a daily thing. It isn't even a monthly thing. I stand by "they are good stories".
Guys can be very funny.